Day 6: Welts, and more welts

The legal definition of intimidation defines it as “intentional behavior which would cause a person of ordinary sensibilities fear of injury or harm.” Well, it’s safe to say this guy won’t be imposing fear on anyone anytime soon. But, an issue with this lack of intimidation arose this past Thursday when I headed out to play paintball with a bunch of friends for the first time in my life.

I don’t like to get hit. Never have, never will. The last fight I took part in was in seventh grade, and it involved little more than me pushing a kid half my size into a TV cart before the substitute teacher stepped in. Most wouldn’t even call that a fight. I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I am the least intimidating person “in the world.” I won’t disagree. I’ve never felt that anything can be achieved by intimidation; or, rather, I’ve never felt that anything should be achieved by intimidation.

So, as we headed out to the paintball field, I was determined to change this intimidation issue. I was with one of my best friends from school, a man that has no concept of his strength, which is actually a pretty good attribute to have as I have found out the hard way multiple times. So, it wasn’t just about proving him and everyone else wrong; it was about proving to myself that I could invoke fear upon a hopeless chap.

We played one game in the woods, a fairly standard game from what I was told afterwards. I was the 5^th guy out of 7 to get hit on my team so things were going pretty well. Then, we headed back to the actual paintball field for a quick speed 7-on-7 game. Each team starts with their guns touching a net on their own side and the referee blows the whistle. As I stood there waiting, I knew this was my chance to actually prove myself in the normal terrain. The woods game was fun, but this was more intense, true paintball. I was determined to knock a kid down before he could even reach a barrier to defend himself. I imagined myself jumping in the air and landing a perfect shot in someone’s facemask like a scene straight out of The Matrix.

The whistle blew. I ran towards the closest barrier, gun in hand and firing continuously towards the opposite side. I saw a bullet coming towards me and dodged out of the way. Almost at the barrel. A couple more shots, and I almost had a kid perfectly set up but he jumped like an Olympic gymnast and avoided the orange paint. My friend, the one with no idea of his own strength, saw me heading towards the barrel in annoyance that the shot had missed. I looked up one last time. Three feet from the barrel. I see an orange bullet coming from my right, twist my body with the finesse of a yoga student, and look down as I feel something hit my lower body.

I’ve decided to give up on any hope of intimidation. You can’t hope to intimidate people when you lose in the first 8 seconds of a paintball match because of this. I’ve never been the swiftest on my feet; in fact, I was always the slowest kid on all of my teams growing up. But, getting shot in the foot from about 500 feet away with a paintball is inexcusable.

There will be no fear imposing from David Marks. A man that does not enjoy being hit, hasn’t been in a fight in about nine years, and can’t even avoid a paintball shot to the foot cannot, and will not, intimidate anyone.

I’m fine with it, though. In the end, it’s better to be approachable and handle situations without trying to impose your will against someone else. Did paintball make me realize this? No, but it was a damn good time and something I would definitely do again in the future. If anything, it finally gave me the opportunity to retire my old Nikes. So, it’s onto the next pair of shoes and the next chapter of my intimidation-free life.

Attempts to access sports: Internet: 4; Phone: 2; Sports discussion: 7; Watching: 0

My Sports Free Fact of the Day: Apparently, if you are flying from Ithaca Airport, you can get through security and nearly onto a plane without a valid ticket (yes, this happened, and the guy was on my flight to NYC, and my connecting flight to Albany).

My New Activity for the Week: Explore a new city, Albany. Some of this has already been done, (like walking around the fine city for 2 hours in 85 degree heat attempting to find a dry cleaner, only to realize that they’re all closed for the week), but more can be discovered.

Day Three: Muscles. Are. Sore.

About a month ago, I went home for a weekend with my oldest brother to surprise my Grandma and Mom in order to bring our family together with the Grams for the first time in a couple years. While home, we headed over to the local outlet stores in search of some clothing for the Grams. I had needed a few pairs of boxers, as my lucky ones had recently taken a wrong left turn in the bathroom and ended up reduced to even less than this. So, we arrived at the Hanes store, and I quickly went to the men’s section about the size of this room. I looked intensely over the selection of Hanes products, only to be left dissatisfied. They didn’t have the looser fitting boxers that I normally wear, nor did they have boxer briefs that could get the job done. But, I was a man in need of boxers, and a man in need of boxers succumbs to the pressure. I selected a 3-pack of some oddly designed pattern and called it a day.

Flash forward to yesterday afternoon. Yoga was my new activity for the day, and a friend of mine graciously came along with me. She had done yoga once before, but we were both clearly beginners for the traditional physical and mental disciplines. Little did I know that the class we signed up for was described online as, “experiencing the essential elements of Forrest Yoga: breath, strength, integrity, and spirit. Take your yoga practice beyond the mat and try one of the most vigorous and demanding yoga workouts around.” I’m in a search to find new passions; I’m not in a search to pull a hamstring doing something that is supposed to be “relaxing.”

Truth is, no hamstring was pulled, and, believe it or not, the “sport” actually is relaxing. Relaxing in the fact that you can’t really think about anything else when you’re struggling to hold the Chaturanga Dandasana with the yoga teacher literally so close that she is breathing down your throat attempting to help you. The instructor was a wonderful woman, who basically turned the class of 30 people into one-on-two instruction for me and my friend. But, at the end of the day, through all of her effort she just needed to realize it’s hard to make this do this.

However, she didn’t fully understand this, or at least she wanted to attempt the legal limits of flexibility for a man that can’t really sit Indian style. So, from the beginning of the session I began to notice that my boxers were more inflexible than myself. Every other stretch I had to sort of pull them up to act as boxer briefs, because they just weren’t getting the job done as boxers. About halfway through, we were all in the downward dog position (albeit, some were better than others). In yoga, the downward dog is sort of a starting position for multiple other stretches and exercises. In this instance, we were going from the downward dog into a lunge something along the lines of this. As I moved my left leg forward out of the downward dog, I felt some tension between my boxers and my leg. But, Minnie, the instructor, was still breathing down my throat so I pushed on through the tension to move the leg forward. I felt, I heard, and I was bended down enough that I could see, that the tension had been relieved.

I said nothing. As we left class a half hour later, I looked at my friend and we both were about as sore as this guy. As I sit here today, I am even sorer. I look back on the class and think to one thing: when we entered the fitness center and gave the registration lady our ID’s, she looked at us and said, “you’re going to find some muscles you never knew you had.” Well, so much for finding “some” muscles. Just about every muscle in my body has been found. And they don’t mind letting me know.

Attempts to Access Sports:

Internet: Seven; TV: Three; Phone: Zero; Discussions: Four

My Sports Free Fact of the Day: A dog may stretch (maybe downward dog style) just to calm a person, or another dog.

My New Activity for the Day: Paintball for the first time in my life.

Day Two: Advanced Photography

ATTEMPTS TO ACCESS SPORTS RELATED INFORMATION

I caught myself 7 different times on the internet (3 while in the library studying for my last final of junior year) and 3 more times on my phone; there was also one occurrence where I entered a room with ESPN on the tube, but I left immediately. Very few people tried to engage me in sports-related discussions, but I did ignore the ones that did (much to their dismay).

This post will cover two different things: a discussion of what I can and cannot do because of all the questions I have been receiving, and also a description of my first attempt to branch out by visiting the Johnson Museum of Art.

So, first off, what exactly can I do and what can’t I do?

• Am I allowed to play sports?

Yes and playing sports will likely become a bigger passion in my life again.

• Can I watch minor league baseball or basketball games?

No, not as long as the players are performing with the ultimate goal of reaching the pros.

• Am I able to attend any non-professional sports events?

High school sports events are allowed as long as my little brother is playing, as are non-professional events such as amateur horse racing or other sports that you can’t exactly follow

• Am I allowed to wear sports clothing?

Yes, because if I couldn’t I’d have to buy a whole new wardrobe.

• Do I have to take current sports posters off the wall?

Too late, the only one, depicting a certain athlete, left the wall this past Thursday.

• If a girl tries to pick me up by talking about sports, what do you do?

Run away, far away- to all you ladies out there, I’ve never wanted a girl that is a sports fan anyway.

• What if people at work are sports fans and want to discuss something?

The gameplan: be upfront with the office immediately and let them know the situation.

• What if I happen to be walking down the street and see a professional athlete? (Don’t know if they exist in Ithaca or Albany, where I’ll be for the summer)

Attempt to engage them in a conversation about anything but sports, before politely walking away as if they are just another person on the street.

• Can I play sports video games?

Non-current games, such as NBA JAM, Wayne Gretzky Hockey, etc.

o If I beat all 28 teams in NBA Jam, I get one current Madden game.

o If I produce a shutout in Wayne Gretzky Hockey, I get one current Madden game.

Now that the FAQ’s are out of the way, let me tell you about my experience at the Johnson Museum of Art yesterday. I headed over there around 11:30am in the morning before stopping by the library to do a little studying. I first entered the “Nature Observed and Imagined: Five Hundred Years of Chinese Painting” exhibit, which was very repetitive, but quite interesting. The most interesting piece was the “Archery Contest in the Changchunyuan.” Unfortunately, I was unable to take a picture.

The only other exhibits open were the permanent collection, but this didn’t bother me as I obviously hadn’t seen them before. The painting, “A Battle Scene,” by Aniello Falcone, ca. 1635, looks like something straight out of a Robin Hood battle. I was able to snap a quick photo before a different security guard caught me red handed. Luckily, he just asked me to put the phone away and go on with the rest of my business.

The rest of my business concluded with a trip to the 6^th floor observation area for some beautiful views of Ithaca, and the cranes so indicative of the current state of this campus. While I was up there, I was asked very politely if I could take a picture for a young couple. I accepted and was sent into a whirlwind of picture taking tasks.

First of all, they asked me to take “a picture.” They didn’t ask me to take three different types of pictures in four different locations on the floor. If they had, and I had accepted, it may be a little more reasonable. However, I began to take the first picture with them sitting with the view in the background. Next, they had me take eleven more pictures:

• Vertical camera, “picture takers” sitting
• Angled to the left, “picture takers” sitting

“Are you getting the rule of thirds”

“Yes, ma’am, I took Basic and Advanced Photography in high school"

• Vertical camera, “picture takers” standing
• Horizontal camera, “picture takers” standing
• Angled to the right, “picture takers” standing

She turns to me and asks, “What do you think we should do next?

All I could say was, “Next?”

• Horizontal camera, “picture taker guy” holding “picture taker girl” in his arms
• Vertical camera, “picture taker guy” holding “picture taker girl” in his arms
• Angled to the right camera, “picture taker guy” holding “picture taker girl” in his arms

I hand the camera to the girl.

“How do you think they turned out, honey?”

“Eh, are you sure you took advanced photo?

• Horizontal camera, “picture taker girl” holding “picture taker guy” in her arms
• Vertical camera, “picture taker girl” holding “picture taker guy” in her arms
• Angled to the right, “picture taker girl” holding “picture taker guy” in her arms

Did the Johnson museum create a new passion? Probably not. But, was it a start? Most definitely. I had thought about picking up photography again, but after I was done with the “picture takers,” it was no longer a thought in my head.

My Sports Free Fact of the Day: The owner of Kodak (George Eastman) named his company after the sound the he thought the camera shutter made.

My Potential New Activity for Today: Yoga at 5:00pm at Noyes Fitness Center

Day one of the rest of my life

I am done. I am calling it a career. OK, I won’t go that far. But, a hiatus is in order, and it all has been revealed to me over the past five days. In these past five days, I have reflected upon my life like I never have before; I have looked at myself and what I believe in. And, in that time, I have come to one, simple conclusion: I need something more.

I need something more to believe in. I need something more to be passionate about. I need this time to find myself and find out what I don’t yet know. So, today, May 18^th, 2010, I will take a hiatus from the world of sports until September 2^nd, 2010, when The Ohio State University Football team kicks off on ESPN at 8:00 p.m. EST against Marshall University to begin the 2010 college football season.

Now, the common question will be what exactly has sent me down this path? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer, but let me give you a little background information. I was born January 6^th, 1989 in Cleveland, Ohio, the third of, eventually, four sport-loving boys (imagine the amount of miles my mom put on that minivan between all of our practices). My father purchased season tickets for the Indians, Cavaliers, and Browns for as long as I could remember. My oldest brother was the best football player of the bunch; the second oldest was the best baseball player of the bunch; and, I was (and still am), the best basketball player. The fourth boy is still touting his skills on his high school baseball team. As I progressed through the years, due to my lack of speed and some unforeseen circumstances, my talent sort of stalled, leaving me out of the sports playing world. But, there was always something I had over my brothers: following the world of sports.

If you asked me who won the super bowl in 1998, I could give you the answer with ease, but most people know it was the Denver Broncos. However, how many of you knew that Terrell Davis was MVP of that game and the league that season? How many of you could name the last four Kentucky Derby winners? Very few of you would likely know that Big Brown, Mind That Bird, Super Saver, and Street Sense all ended up in the winner’s circle. Do any of you know who won the 1993 and 1994 NBA scoring titles? Not Michael Jordan, who, of course, was busy hitting close to the Mendoza line with the Birmingham Barons, but David Robinson and Shaquille O’Neal, respectively. And, lastly, could you name the 1984 NHL assists leader? Well, of course, it was… actually, it doesn’t matter, hockey isn’t a real sport.

The point is, sports were, and still are today, my life. My Facebook interests only list: Cleveland Cavaliers, Indians, Buckeyes, Browns, and Big Red. I used to believe it was a healthy obsession, something to let my competitive fire out through; but, as I looked at myself thoroughly over the past five days, I have realized there is a difference between an obsession and a lifestyle. A lifestyle is exactly what my sports obsession has become. In this media-driven world we live in today, I realized that I rarely went ten minutes in my life without finding something out about sports, discussing sports, or watching a game. I attend a prestigious institution of higher learning, Cornell University, and yet I still found myself checking scores on my iPhone, or looking up the latest trade rumors, constantly throughout times when I should have been studying. But, I didn’t know any better.

Now, I know better. As I sat watching my team, and city, fall apart this past Thursday night, I began to realize what my world around me had become. The Cleveland Cavaliers were the favorites in the NBA playoffs, LeBron James was the MVP, and the city of Cleveland, and myself, hung by a thread onto their title hopes. And, it all came crashing down Thursday evening, but I won’t dwell on that much longer.

When their season officially ended, I immediately cut/ripped up my Lebron James jersey in disgust at the effort the team had given the city that had believed in, and given them, so much. An angry fan of the team said that “the owner of that jersey is ungrateful, unloyal, and completely disrespectful...it's sickening to think that someone in cleveland would turn their back on someone that literally MADE our city for the past seven years.” I couldn’t disagree more.

A fan of a team has a right to have expectations for what they believe their team can bring them. The city of Cleveland, as did I, had bold and strong expectations for the Cavaliers this season. And, in the end, it is one thing to not meet those expectations. But, it remains another thing to go down without a fight, go down with no heart, and go down without care. I was ashamed to wear that jersey that night, and still would be if it was intact today.

All of this brings me to the main reason as to why I am doing this. I have my passion in sports, particularly Cleveland sports, but so far in my life that passion has remain unfulfilled. That is not to say I haven’t had some of the best moments of my life revolve around sports, but it’s to say that at the end of the day I need more of “the best moments of my life” from other things this world has to offer.

So, today, and for the next 108 days, I am leaving the sports world to find new passions and find other ways to appreciate this world. I would guess that on an average day, assuming I am awake for 18 hours, at least 15 of those hours are spent within the world of sports. Today that will change, and hopefully will help change me for the better. Many of my friends and family are already doubting me; most believe I don’t have it in me to give up the passion I have for sports. Others are bringing up crazy scenarios as to how they will try and bombard with me sports information, but that brings me to my next, and most important, point.

So, you’re probably asking yourself how exactly I am going to do this. First things first, I have blocked myself from the following sports websites that I visit on a daily basis, and my friend is the only one with the “22-character password to unlock the blocking, or something like that. Actually, I think it’s a 37-character password that you have a 0% chance of figuring out.” Basically, however many characters it is, I may not even be able to go back on these sites on September 2^nd if the kid can’t figure out the password:

sportsillustrated.cnn.com; espn.com; espn.go.com; sports.yahoo.com; cbssportsline.com; cleveland.com/sports; twitter.com/pdcavsinsider; twitter.com/the_real_shaq; twitter.com/mogotti2; nbcsports.com; profootballtalk.com; probasketballtalk.com; probaseballtalk.com; mlbtraderumors.com; nba.com; nfl.com; mlb.com; clevelandbrowns.com; indians.com; ohiostatebuckeyes.com; cavs.com; waitingfornextyear.com; lebrownstown.com; foxsports.com; si.com; sportsillustrated.com; hoopshype.com; truehoop.com; fanhouse.com; sportingnews.com; news.yahoo.com/sports; highschoolsports.net; justin.tv; mlb.tv; channelsurfing.net; espncleveland.com; ohio.com/sports; thelantern.com/sports; twitter.com/Buster_ESPN; cornellbigred.com

There are 41 different websites there. If I had to venture to guess, I’d say I visit around 30 of those sites each day for an extended period of time. Now that they are blocked, I will have to find new things to learn about on the internet. In just the time writing this first blog, I have attempted to access 3 of those sites listed above, resulting in the message “September 2^nd, 2010: Ohio State vs. Marshall.” Likewise, I also pledge to not use any other computer to access any sports website.

Also, I will not watch sports on television, and if I am in a room when sports are being watched, I will pledge to leave the room immediately. This means I will not be frequenting sports bars, will have to tell the dentist to change the channel before he even considers putting fluoride into my mouth, and may have to call ahead restaurants, not for reservations, but to see what’s on tap for their TV schedule for the evening.

But, it won’t stop there. I will not attend a single sporting event, obviously, but I will also not engage in any sports-related discussions. If someone texts me about sports, I will politely reply, “I apologize, but I will be unable to respond until September 2^nd, 2010.” I have deleted all sports related Apps from my iPhone, and pledge not to use the phone to find out any sports related information.

I will ignore all sports conversations, or change the subject immediately, because if I am going to do this I am going to do it the right way. I will attempt to control as much as I can, but I understand some situations are inevitable. I will delete all sports related emails without reviewing and will also delete all sports related Facebook discussion. In the end, you may not understand why or how I am going to do this, but it needs to be done.

It must be said that this isn’t about what happened to the Cavaliers, or the current state of my sports teams (browns, Indians, cavs, etc.). It has everything to do with the need to find a new zeal for life, something that I can get just as excited about, and, most importantly, something that can leave me without always feeling unfulfilled.

This is not going to be easy. The summer, filled with baseball, my favorite sport of them all, and the World Cup, will be long if I don’t find other things to become passionate about. When people ask me if I have ever been to an Indians game, I proudly tell them that Jacobs Field (no one should ever refer to it in any other way) is like a second home to me. The last summer I was home in Cleveland, I attended over 20 ball games. Unless the team makes a surprising run towards the playoffs, I likely won’t attend a game this year for the first year, likely, ever.

But, today is the first day of the rest of my life. And, today will hopefully bring about a new outlook, a new way of seeing this big world. No longer will I let sports control my every move; no longer will I turn down activities to watch a game, or spend an entire event checking a score on my phone. I apologize for the length of this post, but I felt it was necessary to give you all a true sense of why I am doing this and how I plan to accomplish my goals.

So, today I leave the world of sports as a relieved, but also reluctant man.

My Sports Free Fact of the Day: A dry sprinkler system isn’t really dry.

My New Activity for the Day: Go to the Johnson Museum of Art at Cornell