The legal definition of intimidation defines it as “intentional behavior which would cause a person of ordinary sensibilities fear of injury or harm.” Well, it’s safe to say this guy won’t be imposing fear on anyone anytime soon. But, an issue with this lack of intimidation arose this past Thursday when I headed out to play paintball with a bunch of friends for the first time in my life.
I don’t like to get hit. Never have, never will. The last fight I took part in was in seventh grade, and it involved little more than me pushing a kid half my size into a TV cart before the substitute teacher stepped in. Most wouldn’t even call that a fight. I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I am the least intimidating person “in the world.” I won’t disagree. I’ve never felt that anything can be achieved by intimidation; or, rather, I’ve never felt that anything should be achieved by intimidation.
So, as we headed out to the paintball field, I was determined to change this intimidation issue. I was with one of my best friends from school, a man that has no concept of his strength, which is actually a pretty good attribute to have as I have found out the hard way multiple times. So, it wasn’t just about proving him and everyone else wrong; it was about proving to myself that I could invoke fear upon a hopeless chap.
We played one game in the woods, a fairly standard game from what I was told afterwards. I was the 5th guy out of 7 to get hit on my team so things were going pretty well. Then, we headed back to the actual paintball field for a quick speed 7-on-7 game. Each team starts with their guns touching a net on their own side and the referee blows the whistle. As I stood there waiting, I knew this was my chance to actually prove myself in the normal terrain. The woods game was fun, but this was more intense, true paintball. I was determined to knock a kid down before he could even reach a barrier to defend himself. I imagined myself jumping in the air and landing a perfect shot in someone’s facemask like a scene straight out of The Matrix.
The whistle blew. I ran towards the closest barrier, gun in hand and firing continuously towards the opposite side. I saw a bullet coming towards me and dodged out of the way. Almost at the barrel. A couple more shots, and I almost had a kid perfectly set up but he jumped like an Olympic gymnast and avoided the orange paint. My friend, the one with no idea of his own strength, saw me heading towards the barrel in annoyance that the shot had missed. I looked up one last time. Three feet from the barrel. I see an orange bullet coming from my right, twist my body with the finesse of a yoga student, and look down as I feel something hit my lower body.
I’ve decided to give up on any hope of intimidation. You can’t hope to intimidate people when you lose in the first 8 seconds of a paintball match because of this. I’ve never been the swiftest on my feet; in fact, I was always the slowest kid on all of my teams growing up. But, getting shot in the foot from about 500 feet away with a paintball is inexcusable.
There will be no fear imposing from David Marks. A man that does not enjoy being hit, hasn’t been in a fight in about nine years, and can’t even avoid a paintball shot to the foot cannot, and will not, intimidate anyone.
I’m fine with it, though. In the end, it’s better to be approachable and handle situations without trying to impose your will against someone else. Did paintball make me realize this? No, but it was a damn good time and something I would definitely do again in the future. If anything, it finally gave me the opportunity to retire my old Nikes. So, it’s onto the next pair of shoes and the next chapter of my intimidation-free life.
Attempts to access sports: Internet: 4; Phone: 2; Sports discussion: 7; Watching: 0
My Sports Free Fact of the Day: Apparently, if you are flying from Ithaca Airport, you can get through security and nearly onto a plane without a valid ticket (yes, this happened, and the guy was on my flight to NYC, and my connecting flight to Albany).
My New Activity for the Week: Explore a new city, Albany. Some of this has already been done, (like walking around the fine city for 2 hours in 85 degree heat attempting to find a dry cleaner, only to realize that they’re all closed for the week), but more can be discovered.
